What’s wrong with coloring???

I was going to attend a seminar tomorrow until I found out they had a portion that required us to color in an adult coloring page.

I’m not only ADHD, but partially colorblind, and had hand-eye coordination issues as a kid. I always chose the “wrong” colors and strayed outside the lines. I literally couldn’t help it. Rather than pretending it was awesome, my teachers, classmates, and even my parents criticized it and me for it. It is the first trauma I clearly remember internalizing until I hated everything I colored and would throw it away as soon as a teacher let me.

And when my mom asked why I never brought home any of the artwork I did in class, my teacher told her I was too much of a perfectionist and threw it away. I was 4 and I just didn’t want to be criticized anymore for something I couldn’t control.

I eventually developed some tricks to help me and my hand-eye coordination got better. So now I can color inside the lines, but it’s not at all fun.

I’m not blaming the seminar organizers or mad at them. How are they supposed to know anyone associates something “fun” like coloring with pain and trauma? But just the mention we’d be doing it made me spiral. And other things they were doing to try to make it “fun” felt like I’d be going down a slide made out of cheese graters if I attended.

And I’m not posting this for pity or as something to think about for event organizers. I’m posting this for the person or people who will feel seen when they read it.