Sure, the idea of getting my Christmas shopping done early was appealing, but once you've been hip-checked into a rack of Dockers by a 4'8" gremlin of an old woman, wielding her purse like a pair of nunchucks, carving a trail of mayhem through Sears in an attempt to get that last pair of 50% off tube socks, the bloom quickly goes off of that rose.
But as much as you might want to get out and shop, tis the season to hurry up and wait. At Ontario Mills, the newest mall out here in Southern California, there were actually lines to get into the stores. Forget over-priced, over-loud, over-crowded, over-hyped night clubs, the place to stand in line and beg for an opportunity to spend your money is outside a store at the mall. I can see the employees at the toy store. "Party of two? And your name? Uh-huh. Well, we're pretty full-up in the no-whining section. Please have a seat and we'll call you when your aisle is ready."
Tis also the season for everyone from priests to lawyers to release their lists of toys that might kill, maim, or psychologically injure your child. So, in the spirit of the season, I'll end today with a few a few toys that didn't make those lists.
In the book of Exodus, God sent a plague of locust down upon the Egyptians. God ain't got nuttin on Madison Avenue. The real locusts hit the mall this weekend.
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