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November 25, 1996

Make Music Fast
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

This column comes to you for good luck! It was created by the Amish and would have gone around the world, but when they tried to send it from New York to England, the buggy sank. It was discovered washed up on the shores of Ocean City, New Jersey, typed into an e-mail, and is now being distributed at random.

Let's face it. You want to be a rock star. You want to be wealthy. You want members of the gender of your sexual preference to throw themselves at your feet and worship you. But in this day of alternative, post-Cobain angst, you need lyrics that make no sense but seem to have a deeper meaning.

Let's face it though, not all of us have what it takes to be a heroin addict. We're straight, sober, and being unintelligible on purpose is an effort. There's some strange little censor-man in the back of our brains that wants us to make sense and looks to insert blatant meaning where such a thing should be obscured. That's why this chain-column was created.

We've all seen the poems where each person adds a line without seeing the preceeding lines. They are marvels not only of bad poetry, but of unintelligibility. Taking that formula and combining it with the Madlib concept, you now have a chance to participate in the greatest experiment in lyrical construction ever.

Wouldn't you someday like to sing "Eggroll dropped my Beethoven hot fudge into EEEYAGH!!! Tree circle sexy knee Susan jogging merde"?

Well you can. Just follow the instructions below...

Lyric Elements: You may add elements to this list if you feel any are necessary.

[name of a person] [color] [body part] [meaningless noise] [name of a city] [menu item from a restaurant] [pronoun] [possessive pronoun] [preposition] [something you put on ice cream] [noun] [verb] [adverb] [classical composer] [name you'd never give a dog] [any French word] [verb in past tense] [rank in the military] [disease] [latin name for an insect] [adjective ending in y] [type of salad dressing] [geometric shape] [type of animal] [verb ending in ing] [name of your favorite mythological character] [olympic event] [breed of cat] [something you make out of rubber] [brand of car] [any word you want] [any verse from the bible] [school of philosophy]

Below is an element from this list. Pick a word or sound that fits it and commit to that. Once you've picked it, you can't change it. Then replace this element with a randomly selected element from the list (but don't delete the element from the list as they can and should be re-used). You may also pick any piece of punctuation you want, if you feel one might be useful.

[geometric shape]

Now scroll down a little bit and add that word or sound you picked (and piece of punctuation if you chose one) to the song lyric below the next line.

Song Lyric: Add your word or sound to this.


Assuming that anyone in the world is really only separated from anyone else by six people, eventually this will come back around to you by pure chance, and when it does, you may have lucked into the lyrics of your next hit song.

Now send this on to four people and wait. Have Fun!

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