NEW HUMOR AND SITES FROM GREG BULMASH

Last month I promised you more things NOT to say on a date, and heeere they are!

• Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted?

• For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Brice, but then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality.

• When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don't tease the pony.

• You know, if my wife wasn't so hung up on this faithfulness thing, she'd probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet.

• You can trust me, I'm a lawyer.

• I had to break up with my last girlfriend. She welded a coat- hanger to the metal plate in her head and was using it as an antenna to read my thoughts.

• No, really, I read Playboy for the articles.

• My most painful memory? Hmmm... That would have to be when those three guys cornered me in the showers in prison.

• Who can blame Woody Allen?

• I've been studying this new age stuff with a guy who channels Ed Sullivan. Last week I channeled Topo Gigio and told him where he could stick it.

• After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit of my stomach. I thought it was because I missed you, but it turned out to be food poisoning.

• I'm not free Sunday. I'm going to help OJ look for the real killer.

• If I was a woman, I'd have Rush Limbaugh's baby.

• I guess in retrospect that "Clay Messiah: Parallels Between Jesus and Gumby" wasn't the best title for a doctoral thesis.

• How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil refinery? The fumes give you a really cool buzz.

• Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human head. Would you call the cops?

• I was thinking tonight we'd go to a French restaurant. Have you ever been to Jacques En Ze Box?

• I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have my own stirrups.