NEW HUMOR AND SITES FROM GREG BULMASH

Oooh, you probably think I'm going to talk about the impending release of "Independence Day" on video. But no, even though millions of people in the U.S. will rent it, I actually want to talk about something that less people will do... going out and voting in the upcoming elections.

Tuesday, approximately 4 out of 10 eligible voters will show up at the polls and elect a president as well as a number of assorted senators and representatives. It's a time when the balance of power could shift to the Democrats, even more in favor of the Republicans, or most likely stay just close enough to center so we can maintain the bickering and the status quo with no real movement because no one really has the power to do anything but frustrate the other side. Regardless of who you vote for, a clear vision of leadership which can be implemented seems about as probable as me praying for wings tonight and flying tomorrow.

Let's look at the major parties:

• The Democrats are for open borders and free trade which seems to have the effect of increasing only one American export... jobs.

• Then the Republicans are really big on the war on drugs... except for those made by Camel, Marlboro, and Seagrams. So to make everyone happy, they want to come in with tax cuts, thus they can ensure that the guys who got rich off of sending all the jobs out of the country get to keep all that money.

• Ross Perot says he won't take money from special interest groups. That's nice. Only problem is that with over two billion dollars in assets, he is a special interest group. But even so, he seems to make sense, until he talks about how the CIA is putting drugs in his Ovaltine.

Then we have the parties everyone knows have no chance:

• There's the Natural Law party. "The best government is nature's government... which governs our universe with perfect order and without a problem." Isn't nature's system of government the one where the stronger animals eat the weaker animals?

• There's the Libertarians who start off their party platform with a simple three-word sentence "Government doesn't work." The Republicans may talk about cutting big government. Libertarians mean it. They want to cut out a huge number of government departments and laws, including the rights to regulate in anti-trust matters. They'll cut out the guarantee of a free primary education for all children. And while they're at it, they'll legalize all drugs, pardon all non-violent drug offenders, and repeal all gun control measures. That's very cool, because we can soon have streets full of illiterate addicts with easy access to high-powered assault weapons while Bill Gates forwards his plan for world domination.

• We have the Peace & Freedom Party who are socialists and a product of the 60's. Like all good socialists who haven't abandoned the 60's, they couldn't even come up with $100 to finance a unique domain name for their web site.

• Then we have the Socialist Party who also couldn't afford a UDN, but did shell out for a nice cheesy animated .gif on their web site and some really ugly backgrounds. One of their party platforms is full employment. That means everyone having a job regardless of qualifications, ability, or performance. I could say that sounds like socialism, but it sounds more like tenure.

• On the fringe we have the Creator's Rights Party who actually made a few ballots... like the one for Georgia's race for governor. This is a group that makes Ralph Reed and the Christian Coalition look like hippies. And in their philosophy they talk about seccession. Georgia? Seccession? "Oh I wish I was in Dixie..." They didn't make the presidential ballot nationwide, probably because Jefferson Davis wasn't able to campaign too actively.

• And last we have the Green Party who got consumer activist Ralph Nader on 21 state ballots and certified him as a write-in on 23 more. After reading their mini-platform, I've come to the conclusion that they're essentially socialists who refuse to call themselves socialists. Instead they're international, egalitarian, eco-socialists who make the John Birch Society and it's dire warnings of people plotting a shadow one-world government sound a little less psychotic... but only a little.