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October 21, 1996

It Takes All Kinds
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

Sometimes, in a strange mood, I'll explore the seamy underbelly of the web and I'll tell you the thing that has shocked me most. It's not the racists, or the satanists, or the militant bomb makers. The thing that has shocked me most is the number of ugly people posting naked pictures of themselves.

We can cut out all the touchy-feely, new-age, politically-correct, everyone is beautiful in their own way horse-hockey right now. Ugly exists. You may not agree with me as to what constitutes ugly, but we all have an aesthetic opinion. We have all seen someone at one time or another whose mere physical appearance made us wonder why they were let out of the basement to consort with decent god-fearing people.

Yet it's not really a surprise that a porn industry has grown up around ugly people. Ever since that first high school biology class when we were introduced to the concept of genetics, we realized that ugly people have sex. If they didn't we would have bred ugly out of the gene pool by now. Ugly reproduces in every generation, and contrary to what you've seen on "The X-Files," there's no ugly people pod farm where they're being grown. The plain and simple fact is that someone is bedding these ugly people.

Now there has always been that sort of fringe of legitimate porn, the people who you would never really consider attractive if they were clothed, but being naked has suddenly made them more interesting. I can understand this. But the ugly-porn goes beyond that. These are people who have to give their doctors hazard pay for looking at them naked, who'd never be in a beer commercial unless they were stunt-doubling for one of the Bud frogs. Hell, Victoria won't sell them lingerie unless they agree to keep it a secret... and they have fan clubs.

Perhaps it goes to show that there's something for everyone on the internet. Perhaps it shows that no matter how physically unattractive you or I find a person, they are the Route 66 on which someone is gonna get their kicks. All I know is that it shows more than I ever wanted to see of some people I didn't want to see much of in the first place. And as much as I'd like to be happy for them in their finding of sexual fulfillment, I could live without the visuals.



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