NEW HUMOR AND SITES FROM GREG BULMASH

I've recently been discussing dating with a female friend and it got me to thinking. There are LOTS of ways to ruin a date. So, for the aid and edification of my readers, I thought I'd point out a few things NOT to say on a date...

• "Nice outfit. Is that a wonder-bra?"

• "I really don't like this restaurant that much, but I wanted to use this 2-for-1 coupon before it expired."

• "No wine for me tonight. My urologist says it's not good to mix alcohol and penicillin."

• "I refuse to get cable. That's how they keep tabs on you."

• "People say I remind them of Eddie Haskell."

• "I used to come here all the time with my ex."

• "I never said you need a nose job. I just said it wouldn't hurt to consider it."

• "Could you excuse me? My cat gets lonely if he doesn't hear my voice on the answering machine every hour."

• "I like clay. It's mushy."

• "I really feel that I've grown in the past few years. Used to be I wouldn't have given someone like you a second look."

• "And I won that trophy in the inter-fraternity belching contest."

• "I know you said you don't eat anything with a face. But a good butcher will cut that part off for you if you ask."

• "It's been tough, but I've come to accept that most people I date just won't be as smart as I am."

• "Dropping my pants just scared them. But when my underwear hit the ground... Man! I never knew Jehovah's Witnesses could run that fast."

And the list goes on... but that's all for now. Stay tuned for Volume II next month.