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August 23, 1996

The GBHP B-Movie Quiz
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

NOTICE: The GBHP Daily Column will be on hiatus from August 26 - August 30 and will return on Sept. 2. During that time please enjoy the contents of the GBHP archive, available through the link to past issues above.

Do you stay up late and watch cable? Have you ever rented a film with "deadly" or "justice" in the title? Are you a B-movie addict? Test your B-movie knowledge and B-movie picking ability with the GBHP B-Movie Quiz!

1: Which actor's name in the credits is most likely to give B quality to a movie?

  1. John Gielgud
  2. Elliot Gould
  3. Wings Hauser

2: Which actress' name in the credits is most likely to give B quality to a movie?

  1. Emma Thompson
  2. Susan Sarandon
  3. Tanya Roberts

3: Which of the following non-B real movie titles sounds most B?

  1. Star Wars
  2. Striptease
  3. Lethal Weapon III

4: If you closed your eyes during a movie, how could you tell it was B?

  1. Bad dialogue.
  2. Lots of explosions.
  3. That cheezy synthesizer soundtrack.

5: What is generally considered the worst movie of all time?

  1. Meet The Applegates (Ed Begley Jr. plays a giant cockroach)
  2. The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas (Burt Reynolds sings)
  3. Plan 9 From Outer Space (Zombies help aliens conquer the earth)

6: Any real B-movie fan knows the best way to stop a killer tomato.

  1. With a shotgun.
  2. With a flamethrower.
  3. With the song "Puberty Love."

7: Who is your favorite movie superhero?

  1. Superman.
  2. The Guyver.
  3. The Toxic Avenger.

8: Both Arnold Schwarzenegger and Lou Ferrigno have played Hercules in B-movies. What did both have in common in these films (besides being buff and being called Hercules)?

  1. They killed a lot of guys with swords.
  2. They killed a lot of guys with their bare hands.
  3. Their lines were dubbed over with someone else's voice.

9: John Waters' "Polyester" is remembered for what unique marketing gimmick?

  1. The decline and fall of 50's idol, Tab Hunter.
  2. A fat guy in drag.
  3. It was done in scratch-n-sniff "Odorama."

10: Which of the following is sure to get you a guest-shot in a B-movie?

  1. Former tv star (i.e. Jimmy J.J. Walker & Erik Estrada)
  2. Former porn star (i.e. Traci Lords & Ginger Lynn Allen)
  3. Former scandal star (i.e. Joey Buttafuoco & Jessica Hahn)


As always, the scoring is simple. You get 1 point for every A, 3 for every B, and 5 for every C. Total up your points and consult the rankings below.

10-22 Points

You may claim to like B-movies, but you're just going through the motions. You go to bed early, go to good movies, and only watch the B stuff when one of your friends says "you have got to see this." To begin your b-movie education program, it is suggested that you rent anything starring Don "The Dragon" Wilson or produced by Roger Corman.

24-38 Points

Okay. You've got a fair amount of B-movie knowledge, but you're still an amateur. You probably have yet to see "Glenn or Glenda" or "The Terror of Tiny Town" (reputedly the only all-midget western). To continue your b-movie education, it is suggested that you spend one month watching whatever's on at 2 a.m. on your favorite cable movie channel, preferrably Cinemax if you have it.

40-48 Points

Have you no taste? Have you no class? Nope! And you're fairly proud of it. You've seen the entire Police Academy series, including "Mission to Moscow." You know the Troma Team catalog better than some Troma executives. But there may be some films you're still not familiar with. For you I suggest "Attack of The 60 ft. Centerfold" and "Avenging Disco Godfather" (starring Dolemite).

50 Points

Okay. You've seen everything at the video store. You've stayed up late most nights to catch the worst cable has to offer. You've probaby even seen every brother-to-fame film, such as "Moving Violations" (starring John "Brother of Bill" Murray) and "Buford's Beach Bunnies" (starring Jim "Brother of Tom" Hanks). I have no recommendation for you. You're perfect the way you are. You're good enough, you're smart enough, and darn it, people like you.



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