NEW HUMOR AND SITES FROM GREG BULMASH

Are you a hedonist? Do you believe that pleasure is more important than anything else? Take the GBHP Hedonist Quiz and determine your pleasure-seeker quotient.

1: If you were going to a desert island and could take only one thing with you, what would it be?

1. A good survival knife.
2. My favorite book.
3. 300 pounds of chocolate.

2: The largest portion of my hard drive is dedicated to...

1. spreadsheet and word processing files.
2. my browser cache and .gif files.
3. a graveyard of skragged Doom opponents.

3: Which of the following is the most important thing in a possible girlfriend/boyfriend?

1. How smart they are.
2. How good looking they are.
3. How cuddly they are.

4: The way to tell an alcoholic drink is going to be good is...

1. if you like the look.
2. if you like the smell.
3. if you can light it on fire.

5: The thing that would make me like my job better is...

1. a better medical plan.
2. a raise.
3. a vibrating chair.

6: I think sex is better when you have it with...

1. someone you love.
2. someone who knows what they're doing.
3. someone who brings along a friend.

7: I think cake should be eaten during...

1. birthday parties.
2. just about any party.
3. the holiday formerly known as "breakfast."

8: Which of the following skills is most important in a potential mate?

1. Listening.
2. Gourmet cooking.
3. Finding those knots in my shoulders.

9: I always make sure to use at least 20% of my discretionary income to...

1. save for my retirement.
2. save for my next vacation.
3. BUY TOYS!

10: If you could pick any famous person, living or dead, real or fictional, to be ruler of the world, which of the following would you be most likely to pick?

1. Mahatma Ghandi.
2. Jerry Garcia.
3. Willy Wonka.

As always, the scoring is simple. Give yourself 1 point for avery A, 3 for every B, and 5 for every C. Tally up your points and consult the ratings below.

10-18 Points

You know, some people say there's pleasure in pain. But you're just painfully boring. Stop being so reserved and logical. Give in to that little voice inside you. No, not the one that says "kill the president." The other one.

20-34 Points

You're a balancer. You tend to strive to keep things in equilibrium. Not too much work, not too much play. Not too much stress, not too much relaxation... not too much fun are you? But you're stable, reliable, and you serve a purpose. The people with higher scores need you to lend them money.

36-48 Points

For you, the only thing that makes school or work bearable is the fact that you know that the weekend is coming up. In fact, you probably wish that the weekend was three days long so you'd have an extra day to recuperate from the other two. But then you realize you'd just use that extra day to do more damage.

50 Points

Ohhh yeah. You're the party monster. You search out everything pleasurable in life, which probably explains why you haven't sought out a job. But hey, you're going to win the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes before Mom & Dad stop sending you checks. Right?