Oh, I've seen abs rolling all over the place, Kenny Kingston abusing his wondrous psychic powers for cash, and every once in a while I'll see Casey Kasem or Fran Tarkenton pimping for Anthony Robbins. But I miss Mike Levy and his bevy of beautiful products.
I got hooked on Amazing Discoveries way back in the early days of infomercials, before Don LaPre, before Tom Vu, when Dave Del Dotto was just starting his campaign to turn us all into millionaires.
Though the various product spokesmen came and went on AD, Mike Levy was always the constant. Near the end of the show, after I was convinced that the latest product truly was an Amazing Discovery, he'd show how he was on my side by barganing with the spokesman. No, he couldn't sell his loyal audience just one bottle of this amazing new polymeric car wax for $100.
Then how about two for $75? Nope. How about 2, plus a special super chamois for just $65? Nope. Mike wouldn't stand for it. Then how about 3 bottles, a special super chamois, a bottle of the stuff that made your tires all shiny and black, a bottle of upholstery treatment, and a revolutionary new potato peeler... all for $49.95. Well, Mike could live with that and so could we.
When I was up late at night, I'd scan the channels for Amazing Discoveries. Over the years I watched Mike get us great deals on all sorts of neat stuff. An incredible new tooth whitening system, a colon-cleansing juicer, a thing for putting beads and rhinestones on clothing, a course that made you seem like a super math genius...
Oh sure, Richard Bey (prior to his really cheesy talk show) and other show hosts tried to be like Mike. So maybe every product on Amazing Discoveries hit the local discount store at half the price within 6-9 months. It didn't matter. Mike was the goods. And you have to admit he had the best sweaters on TV.
Yet now, I scan the channels and just finding Mike Levy would be an Amazing Discovery. He's not there bringing me the greatest new products and protecting my interests. He's not there proving that these products are so simple that even an idiot like him can use them.
Maybe we can talk Tony Robbins into giving his jaw back to the horse he stole it from, maybe get Fran to wear some more colorful sweaters... but it won't be the same. You were the king, Mike Levy, and for a while you made insomnia interesting.
I'm very disappointed. In recent months, I haven't spotted any installments of my favorite series of infomercials... Amazing Discoveries.
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