humor column logo


January 2007
Greg Has New Humor and New Sites Online
Free Clip Art and Cool Design Tool
Insultfinder Insult Database (#1 search result for for Dirty Insults at Google)
Greg's new opinionated blog

July 3, 1996

You Can't Get There From Here
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

I know that a lot of you think that the people who live in Los Angeles are crazy. You're right. Many of us are. And it's our freeways that have caused it. We have two ways of referring to our freeways, as "the [highway or interstate number]" or by their given names. Primarily, I'd have to say it's the given names that do most of the damage.

If you get on the 710, also known as the Long Beach Freeway, going north, you'll see big signs telling you that you're going to Pasadena... but you'll never get to Pasadena on the 710. You see, the 710 ends at the 10, which is the San Bernardino Freeway. From there, you have to go west on the San Bernardino Freeway until it meets the the 110, which is the Harbor Freeway. That's right near near where the 10 changes its name to the Santa Monica Freeway and continues west toward the 405, which is the San Diego Freeway that doesn't go to San Diego. The San Diego Freeway ends about 100 or so miles before San Diego, dumping you onto the 5, which is the Golden State Freeway, which is the one that goes to San Diego.

But I'm getting sidetracked... From the 10, take the Harbor Freeway north for a little bit. Then the Harbor Freeway crosses the 101, which is the Hollywood Freeway that has recently changed its name from the Ventura Freeway (that actually goes to Ventura). Right near there the Harbor Freeway will change its name to the Pasadena Freeway and take you into the heart of Pasadena... where the other Ventura Freeway (that doesn't go to Ventura) starts.

Thus, if you are ever visiting Los Angeles, and want to test if someone you're talking to is sane, ask them for directions. If they use the numbers, they're about as close to sane as it gets here, which isn't much. If they use freeway names, they are not only insane, they are evil and you should run to the Santa Monica Freeway, drive east until it becomes the San Bernardino Freeway, and keep going until it becomes the Christopher Columbus Transcontinental Highway, and from there don't stop until you're in Arizona.

Return To 1996 Archive




Layout and Text - © 1995 - 1997 by Greg Bulmash (
Click Here for info on web site design services.