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June 3, 1996

A Message From The GOP
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

Hi, remember us, we're the Republicans. You may recall that we swept into office during the last elections on a promise to change the way things are done in Washington.

Well, we kept our promise. Now the Democrats are the obstinate and balky minority while we're the majority that can't get anything done. And we're damn proud.

What else have we done? We have provided value for your tax dollar... Entertainment value. When Jerry Brown, a Democrat, went around proposing a flat tax in '92, who listened? No one. But when Steve Forbes did it, the people sat up and took notice. Why? Because he's a Republican? No. Because he's got charisma.

We Republicans are brimming with charisma. Just look at all the Republican politicians who are former actors. Fred Thompson, Fred "Gopher" Grandy, Sonny Bono... and who can forget Ronald Reagan? If Arnold Schwarzenegger wasn't a foreigner, we'd drop Bob Dole in a second.

Right now we're trying to add even more charisma to our roster. Talks are going on with such noted celebrities as Pat Sajak. He looks just like Dan Quayle, but he's smarter. We've also been talking to Kent McCord and Martin Milner, the former stars of Adam 12, and Earl Holliman of Police Woman, to help us strengthen our "Law and Order" stance.

We know that the only way we can get things done and better carve up this country among the big lobbying interests is to do it behind your back. And we recognize that the tactic of distracting you with petty moral issues is starting to grow old. But if cable television has taught us one thing, it's that people love re-runs. So you can look for even more of your favorite old TV and movie stars coming to Congress in the years ahead, and they'll be brought to you by your friends in the Republican party.

The Republicans: Let Us Entertain You!

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