The world replied "no you don't, and no you haven't."
Recently McDonalds set forth on a quest to change their image and make themselves seem more "grown up." They spent millions on test recipes and market research, then even more on a huge ad campaign, portraying Ronald McDonald in adult situations (going out clubbing, shooting pool), touting a huge new change at McDonalds to be unveiled on May 9th.
On that day they said "here's what you've all been waiting for" and unveiled the Arch Deluxe(tm).
The world replied "that's it?"
So, to help alleviate your disappointment, here are a few food products I believe would have better made Ronald seem "grown up"...
THE PRODUCT: Mc Spresso
CUT TO: A loud thud, and a paper hat goes flying across the table.
THE PRODUCT: Mc Sausage & Peppers
FADE IN: A bunch of twenty somethings are sitting around a table in a fast food joint. "You know I hear he was in the Marines," one says. "Man," another says, "he was in 'Nam." Credence Clearwater Revival's Fortunate Son starts playing over a montage of helicopters flying and soldiers wading through rice paddies.
CUT TO: A black and white photograph. Ronald stands at a mess hall counter. Crew cut, fatigues, full make-up, and really big boots as a large spoonful of grey slimy stuff is shoveled onto his tin tray.
THE PRODUCT: Mc S-O-S
In the 80's the Coca Cola Company brought out New Coke(tm) and said to the world, "we know what you want and we've given it to you."
FADE IN: Ronald on a dimly lit, smoky stage, reading poetry... "Life is so tough, people are tired, come to McDonalds, we'll get you wired."
FADE IN: Ronald in a tuxedo, walking around a table full of uniformed McDonalds employees, wielding a baseball bat ala DeNiro in "The Untouchables," and giving a speech about the team. He stops behind one, brings the bat back, swings...
And my personal favorite...
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