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May 8, 1997

Invasions Galore
Copyright 1997 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

I tried to watch NBC's big miniseries this past weekend, "Robin Cook's Invasion." I couldn't sit through it all, but I think I can summarize the plot. It had to do with a bunch of aliens trying to take over the world by boring us to death.

On a more fun note, it did spark an idea. What if instead of aliens, the invasion were being staged by big players in the hardware and software industries? Here are a few possible scenarios...

MICROSOFT'S INVASION: We've all heard about it, it's going to be really big, and it will happen Tuesday, or maybe Wednesday. Actually, it could be delayed a few weeks, possibly up to a few months. But when we do get invaded, they promise it will be the best, most innovative invasion ever.

APPLE'S INVASION: They claimed that Microsoft's Invasion 95 was just a poor copy of an invasion Apple staged in 1989. This begs the question, what if you threw an invasion and nobody came?

SUN'S JAVA INVASION: It will be the first invasion that can be run similarly on all planets regardless of their environments. It is an amazingly powerful and flexible invasion that can serve most any purpose but is mainly used to make text wiggle.

BORLAND'S INVASION: Delayed until they can stop Microsoft from stealing their troops.

INTEL'S INVASION: Intel's heavily hyped Invasion II actually occurred on the third planet from Betelgeuse, but except for that minor flaw, it's running perfectly.

IBM'S INVASION: Delayed after the failure of their OS/2 Warp engines, IBM has decided to take a page from the Communists' book and try to use the Domino effect.

AOL'S INVASION: Due to the unexpected popularity of their invasion, they had to scale it back temporarily until they could fully exploit everyone they'd already invaded. Many of their expendable 3.5 inch soldiers ended up invading landfills across America.

NETSCAPE'S INVASION: They apparently hope to sell their invasion to people who hate Microsoft so much they'll pay the $79 price tag rather than get invaded for free.

AMD'S INVASION: Compatible with any weapons that can be used with Intel's invasion, it costs about half as much. Now if they could only get the people they're trying to invade to take them seriously.


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