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January 2007
Greg Has New Humor and New Sites Online
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Greg's new opinionated blog

Resolutions '97
Copyright 1997 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

  1. Spend more time ignoring idiots.
  2. Achieve telepathic communication with my dog.
  3. Become a cult deprogrammer, specializing in the Macarena.
  4. Touch my inner child in naughty places.
  5. Never have to say "he was dead when I got here."
  6. Get on a first name basis with my colon.
  7. Stop taking strangers' shoes off and playing "This Little Piggie."
  8. I'll not only believe in myself, I'll worship myself... from afar.
  9. Learn "The Rules" so I can call penalties at singles bars.
  10. Create a new politically correct title: Pain-in-the-ass Americans
  11. Get a life, then take it to Macy's and exchange it for a toaster.
  12. Create a cologne for women that truly attracts men: "Cold Beer"
  13. Find a diet that allows me to eat nothing but french fries.
  14. Become an anthropologist and go live with a tribe of supermodels.
  15. Market Italian calzones in China as "Jumbo Won-Ton".
  16. Replace my computer's on-off switch with a kick-start pedal.
  17. File my tax return via singing telegram.
  18. Stop being so easily distrac
  19. Warn people that my feminine side has PMS.
  20. File for moral bankruptcy.
  21. Rise up, touch the hand of God, and say "Tag! You're it!"
  22. Instead of "lazy" be called a "professional energy conserver."
  23. Create a "Dominos" method of childbirth. Your baby is delivered in 30 minutes or it's free.
  24. Make a bar stool with an eject lever for when I get shot down.
  25. Call up PBS and pledge my emotional support.
  26. Traumatize Wolfgang Puck by making him cook grits.
  27. Next time a dog humps my leg, sue for sexual harrassment.
  28. Work with Clearasil to find a cure for breaking out in song.
  29. Get a meeting with the networks to pitch my TV show idea about three women stranded on an uncharted island where they solve crimes and have really great hair... "Gilligan's Angels"
  30. And last, but not least...

  31. I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.


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