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November 21, 1996
Dating Don'ts - Vol. II
Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved
Return To 1996 Archive
Last month I promised you more things NOT to say on a date, and heeere they are!
- Your sister's a real knock-out. Is one of you adopted?
- For the longest time I lived with a hairdresser named Brice, but
then I had this sudden relapse of heterosexuality.
- When we get back to my apartment, whatever you do, don't tease the
- You know, if my wife wasn't so hung up on this faithfulness thing,
she'd probably say you were my cutest girlfriend yet.
- You can trust me, I'm a lawyer.
- I had to break up with my last girlfriend. She welded a coat-
hanger to the metal plate in her head and was using it as an
antenna to read my thoughts.
- No, really, I read Playboy for the articles.
- My most painful memory? Hmmm... That would have to be when those
three guys cornered me in the showers in prison.
- Who can blame Woody Allen?
- I've been studying this new age stuff with a guy who channels Ed
Sullivan. Last week I channeled Topo Gigio and told him where he
could stick it.
- After our last date, when I got home I had this aching in the pit
of my stomach. I thought it was because I missed you, but it
turned out to be food poisoning.
- I'm not free Sunday. I'm going to help OJ look for the real
- If I was a woman, I'd have Rush Limbaugh's baby.
- I guess in retrospect that "Clay Messiah: Parallels Between Jesus
and Gumby" wasn't the best title for a doctoral thesis.
- How about after dinner we take a romantic stroll by the oil
refinery? The fumes give you a really cool buzz.
- Now I'm just speaking hypothetically here, but let's say you were
at some guy's house, opened the refrigerator, and saw a human
head. Would you call the cops?
- I was thinking tonight we'd go to a French restaurant. Have you
ever been to Jacques En Ze Box?
- I always wanted to be a doctor, but I couldn't get into med
school, so now I just pursue gynecology as a hobby. I even have
my own stirrups.
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