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October 31, 1996

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Copyright 1996 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved


Welcome to the Obligatory Halloween Column.

For some of us, Halloween is a joy. They love dressing up in costumes, spend hours thinking about it and then spend tens or even hundreds of dollars to buy or rent something elaborate. But me, I'm broke and lazy. That's why I present this quick cheap-ass guide to last-minute Halloween costumes.

This week the news has presented a great low-cost costume choice. Buy a tin badge off the toy rack at the drug store, get a sticky name tag at the stationery store and write "bomber" on it... Put them on and you're Richard Jewell, complete with an unfair label slapped on you by the media.

Can't go for the complete Star-Trek costume, but you've got the Spock ears? File off the points, put on a business suit... you're Ross Perot.

Let's say you don't have the ears, but you've got the suit. Just grab a bible and you're an evangelist. If you can get your girlfriend to dress like a hooker... you're Jimmy Swaggart. Keep the hooker, dump the bible, and you're former Clinton advisor, Dick Morris.

But how do you incorporate common items you can find in the kitchen? For couples this is easy. The man splashes ketchup on his pants, the woman carries a knife... you're John and Lorena Bobbit. Fill a few plastic bags with baking soda and you're either a drug dealer or a sports agent.

But perhaps you're going to a party and you want something that people can really recognize as a costume. Wear nothing but your underwear, stuff some Monopoly money in it and go as a stripper. Some people might actually add real money to your collection and you can go home with a profit.

And last, but definitely not least, just wear whatever you want. When someone asks who you're supposed to be, tell them you're God. If they tell you God doesn't look like that... tell them to prove it.

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