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May 29, 1997

Gifts for Mom
Copyright 1997 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

It's Mom's birthday this week. I don't know when it happened, but I passed that point where Mom has to like whatever present I give her. Since I don't yet know what to get her, I was hoping you all would bear with me as I brainstorm through some gift ideas for my mother.


Pencil-Test Barbie: Girls who grew up with Barbie can now grow old with her. Featuring Mattel's new Magic-Sag technology.


What better way to start Mom's morning off right than with a good breakfast, a healthy dose of love, and Flintstones Chewable Valium?


Accusation-A-Day: Even if you're far away, Mom can feel like you're right there with this new desk calendar, each page offering a new way she ruined your life.


PerfectWhite Teflon Boxers from BVD: Give Mom the gift of peace of mind. When you wear this new line of non-stick underwear, the next time you get into an accident she'll only have to worry about your health.


Grandchildren In a Can: If you're not ready for the committment of having kids, you can still give Mom the holiday atmosphere she's always wanted. This kit includes the latest CD from Screaming Pre-School Maniacs, broken toys to litter around the floor, and our patented air freshener that gives any room that fresh scent of baby powder with just the slightest hint of vomit.


And last but not least... Save Mom the trouble of getting 18 cats and naming them after obscure Latvian saints with an official "Crazy Lady" certificate, suitable for framing.

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