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May 22, 1997

Great Moments in Channel Surfing
Copyright 1997 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

Before I started my web site, my first "fans" on the internet were folks on the newsgroups I frequented who were fans of my signature file. Rather than use a quote from some famous author, I came up with a series of .sigs called "Great Moments in Channel Surfing." The concept was to take unrelated bits of dialogue from commercials and TV shows and combine them. Between 1994 and 1995, I created around 35 GMICS signatures. On occasion, there has been a call from former fans of the series to compile all those old bits.

Not all of them were gems, so I've dumped those, and just so everyone is clear on the concept, the elipsis (three periods) indicates changing the channel. And with that said, I present for you...

The Best of Great Moments in Channel Surfing

There's a girl and she's got a name and they call her... 
painful rectal itch. 

After I'd been using Dove for a week, my husband looked 
at me and said... Wow, now that's a Chevy. 
 
Seagram's Golden Wine Coolers... 
Recomended by America's top breeders. 
 
Hey, you're a good looking guy, but when she sees those 
flakes, she's gonna think... never had it, never will. 
 
Tonight Rush Limbaugh will answer the question... how many 
licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie-pop? 

Preparation H shrinks swollen hemmoroidal tissue... 
for when you want to get kissing close. 

New Charmin is not only extra-squeezably soft, but you 
can... Eat all you want! We'll make more! 

4 out of 5 dentists recommend brushing with... premium 
gasoline... it kills the germs that cause bad breath. 

Sorry Charlie. Starkist wants tuna that tastes great, 
not... times when I just don't feel "fresh." 

When you say Budweiser, you've said... 
the pain reliever doctors prescribe most. 

New Stayfree Maxi Pads with Dri-weave... 
The Quicker Picker Upper! 

Washington Week In Review was made possible by 
funding from... Satan and his minions 

When I bake with Crisco shortening, my cookies come 
out... built Ford tough! 

He saw her across the room and asked if she'd come 
by car or swan-drawn chariot. She merely smiled.
Between love and madness lies... Blue Star Ointment. 

What do I do when I've got a whole group of thirsty 
kids? I give them... the strongest sleep aid you can 
buy without a prescription. 

At the Law Offices of Futz & Puck, we believe... 
sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don't. 

When a man you've never met suddenly gives you... 
Pork, the other white meat... 
You've got the right one, Baby. Uh-huh! 

Life, what a wonderful choice... For a limited time 
only... dealer participation may vary. 

Can you tell me what cereal you're eating? Yeah, it's 
Fruit and, uh... the leading overnight laxative. 

Call the fantasy line and you can talk to women with... 
dry, cracked, peeling skin. 

Coming up: Michael Jackson in a candid interview 
about his music, his marriage, and how he's been 
affected by... the improved whitening power of Clorox! 

Microsoft introduces Windows 95...
it's a floor wax AND a dessert topping! 
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