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March 6, 1997

Only In Print
Copyright 1997 - Greg Bulmash - All Rights Reserved

Hello from America! Yes, the reason this column is a couple of days late is because I was in England and only got home on Thursday night.

I had a great time. I took a day trip to Bristol and met the head of the Internet Movie Database. I also took a day trip to Bolougne and saw a French version of a Mexican border town. Sure it was cleaner and had more class and history, but you could also find switchblades, fireworks, and cheap liquor, just like Tijuana. I hear Calais is even worse. That's why I went to Boulogne, which the French pronounce as Buh-lone, and the English pronounce as Buh-loin, part of the neverending mission of the English to annoy the bejeezus out of the French.

While in England, I got to do a very glamorous thing and attended the premiere of a new musical in London. There were lots of paparazzi and news cameras there, ostensibly because there were lots of celebrities in attendance, but since most of them were only famous in England, I could only guess as to who was famous and who wasn't.

You're probably wondering if, as an internationally known writer and the face of deceased supermodel, Fabio Schwartz, I got a moment in the spotlight. Nope. Seems that didn't qualify me to be even the momentary focus of any of the photographers or reporters who covered the event. In fact, it wouldn't really qualify me for any coverage here in the states either.

My lack of qualification was struck home at the party after the premiere. An attractive woman walked up to me and said "you look familiar. Are you famous?"

"Only in print," I answered.

"Oh," she said and then promptly walked away.

Then, this afternoon, when I grabbed a quick lunch of Chinese take-out while running some errands, I got the following fortune in my fortune cookie. "You will soon get the recognition you deserve."

Spooky? An indicator of future success and fame? I think not. Recognition and deserve are both words that are very open to interpretation. If you cheat on your taxes, an IRS audit is the recognition you deserve. When you hold the door open for someone and they say "thanks," you just got the recognition you deserve.

So have I learned a lesson from all this? I believe I have. The next time an attractive woman walks up to me at a party and says "are you famous?" I'm just going to say "yes I am." She can discover the "only in print" part when I get the recognition I deserve.

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